Some swear by the Zodiac, some laugh it off, and some only pay attention when their horoscope says they’re gonna win a lot of money and also somehow marry Channing Tatum. But we all kind of like to be told a little bit about ourselves. You’re passionate, you’re sensitive, your sweater is on backwards, etc. One thing we always forget to ask of our astrologers—what kind of beer should I be chugging? No worries, we got the brew, per sign, to make your 2016 astrologically beertastic.
Aries (3/21 – 4/19) & West Coast IPA
Fire sign. Impulsive. Strong and stubborn, and best when you use your powers of total bull-headedness for good. No surprise your beer has to be as feisty as you, like an unapologetically hoptastic West Coast-style IPA. Pound one and then go win the day.
Taurus (4/20 – 5/20) & Bourbon Barrel-aged Stout
Apparently you like “gardening and high quality clothes,” but really, Taurus, you’re into the good life. Calmly, deliberately amassing quality life experience while the rest of us get drunk and shop online sales. Calculated luxury for you, meaning some bourbon barrel-aged stout.
Gemini (5/21 – 6/21) & Flemish Red
You’re basically the Batman villain “Two Face” of the astrological chart, curious and social sometimes, other times a bit too serious for your own good. (But you’re always good at a party.) You need a beer to suit a shifting personality, something with two sides—like a nice Flemish Red. Fruity, sour, a beer that drinks like a wine. (But which is it?)
Cancer (6/22 – 7/22) & Session Beer
Comfort and home are kind of key to you, Cancer, and everyone tends to want to keep you around anyway, since you’re loyal and a damn good listener. As you’re likely to chill at home, a comfortingly repeatable session beer (or three) might be just right.
Leo (7/23 – 8/22) & Sour/Gueze
It’d be easy to call you an Imperial drinker, since you’re the king. But Leos are also just as quiet and loving as a cuddly lion cub. Not that you’re soft—you’re intensity in a kitten costume. Kind of like a classic Sour—golden hued but sharp-clawed.
Virgo (8/23 – 9/22) & Belgian Dubbel
Sure, you seem genteel, but you’re intense in there, and it’s working for you. You care about detail, but not to the detriment of pleasure, which is why you’re currently double-fisting Belgian Dubbel. Painstakingly crafted, deceptively high ABV, the unexpected naughtiness of candi sugar.
Libra (9/23- 10/22) & Hefeweizen
You’re about balance (the scales, ahem) and you’re not looking for a beer that’s overly hoppy or some kind of black hole stout. Balance, but interesting balance, like a Hefeweizen—cloudy, yeasty (nutritional points, you hard worker), and the unexpected poke of banana, clove, and even bubblegum. Because, yeah, you work hard, but you play hard.
Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21) & Chili-infused Beer
You like extremes—dude, your sign is a deadly lobster monster insect. Also, you tend not to scare easily. So we won’t beat around the bush. A chili-infused beer is all that’s gonna satisfy that passion, and also maybe nudge your hyper-discipline into some (benign) idiocy.
Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21) & Gose
You can’t be held back. You’re as feisty as a Scorpio, but you use your energy to travel and learn new things, and then Instagram about them. You want an exploratory beer, which is why, before everyone else knows that Gose is making a comeback, you’re sipping the salty stuff and dreaming of your backpacking trip through Germany. Most of it. That one part was weird.
Capricorn (12/22 – 1/19) & Experimental Craft Beer
The Drake of the Zodiac sign. Driven to succeed. Possibly Canadian. But seriously, you look forward, into what’s next like it’s your destiny. Not a dreamer—you’re all logic—but creative, and self-aware. You need well made, experimental craft beer. Maybe it’s wine barrel-aged, maybe it’s a fresh-hopped IPA, maybe it’s infused with the passion fruit of a single Hawaiian island. Any way will do.
Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18) & Imperial Stout
Hey, deep thinker. You’re generous, but not showy about it, because you’re too busy trying to fuel your brain with innovation and complexity. You’ll need a beer you can sit with, which is why you’re pondering the depths of an Imperial Stout while everyone else crushes cans of PBR on their foreheads.
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20) & Belgian Witbier
Anyone ever told you you’re mysterious, like a fish? Well, you are, swimming in the depths of intuition. Artistic and maybe a bit sensitive, you’ve got to be swilling some Belgian Wit—soft and light but swimming with spice. Layered, like you and all the scarves you’re wearing.
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